Surviving Back-to-School

Back-to-school season can be a minefield when you're dealing with a high-conflict ex. Trust me, I've been there. But over the years, I've picked up some strategies that have made this time of year a lot less stressful for me and my kids.

Let me share what's worked for me.

Coordinating School Supplies

First things first: school supplies. Instead of battling over who buys what, try creating a shared online shopping list. This way, you can both see what's been purchased and what's still needed. If your ex isn't cooperative, consider buying everything yourself and keeping the receipts for potential reimbursement later. Remember, the court's aim is to have children grow up to be their best despite a divorce. So, focus on ensuring your child has what they need, rather than getting caught up in conflicts over who should pay for what.

Managing Communication About School Events

Communication is key, but it can be tricky with a difficult ex. I've found that using a co-parenting app or a shared online calendar works wonders. All school events, parent-teacher conferences, and deadlines are visible to both parties. This reduces the chance of "forgetting" to relay important information. Using joint email accounts or apps ensures both parents receive all school information, which can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts down the line.

Dealing with Potential Conflicts at School Functions

School functions can be particularly challenging. If possible, try to arrange separate meetings with teachers. For events where you'll both be present, have a plan in place. Arrive separately and focus on your child. If tensions rise, have an exit strategy ready. Remember, it's crucial for children to see both parents at school events, even if separated. Plan staggered arrivals if you're concerned about conflicts with your ex. Always prioritize your child's well-being over any personal disputes.

Staying Informed

Make sure you're on all school mailing lists and have direct access to your child's online school portal. This way, you're not reliant on your ex for important information. Schools are well-versed in dealing with separated parents, so don't hesitate to reach out and explain your situation. Keep the school informed about who is the primary contact on specific days, but refrain from oversharing personal details with the school staff.

Handling Homework and Projects

For homework and projects, consider setting up a system where your child has duplicate supplies at both homes. This eliminates the "I forgot my textbook at Mom's/Dad's house" problem. If there are ongoing issues with homework completion or project coordination, consider using a shared online platform where both parents can track assignments and progress. Remember, consistency between households can greatly benefit your child's academic performance.

Extracurricular Activities

When it comes to after-school activities, try to agree on a schedule in advance. If agreement isn't possible, focus on supporting your child's interests during your parenting time. The court typically prefers that children continue their pre-divorce extracurricular activities, as this provides a sense of normalcy and stability. Be mindful of how these activities fit into the custody schedule and be willing to compromise for your child's benefit.

Document Everything

Keep a record of all school-related communication and expenses. It might come in handy if disagreements escalate. Remember, schools can be subpoenaed, and anything said or written can be revealed in court. This doesn't mean you should be paranoid, but it's wise to be mindful of your communications. If you're using a co-parenting app, many of these have built-in documentation features that can be useful.

Put Your Child First

Above all, remember that your child's well-being is the priority. They shouldn't be caught in the middle of parental conflicts. Keep conversations about school positive and focused on your child's experiences. Children's behavior at school often mirrors the turmoil at home during a divorce, so it's crucial to maintain a stable and supportive environment. If you're struggling, consider seeking support or counseling to help manage the stress of co-parenting in a high-conflict situation.

Final Thoughts

Navigating back-to-school season with a high-conflict ex isn't easy, but it's doable. With some planning and the right tools, you can create a smoother experience for everyone involved. Remember, you're not alone in this. There are resources and support available if you need them. Consider exploring co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard for additional support.

Here's to a successful school year for you and your kids!